Cape Town Walking Tour

A gastronomical and cultural adventure

Bo Kaap was our first stop of the day. Now, you may know Bo Kaap from all those 50 places to visit before you die list. I’m not sure why but for some reason those photos never had cars in any of them. Reality:

Despite the stationary traffic, it was beautiful nonetheless. Perhaps its because we went early in the morning and people still haven’t left their houses yet. Urgh. Bo Kaap is also home to many immigrants from Indoensia and Malaysia during the apartheid. Imagine our surprise when we spotted the familiar curry scents along the streets. Ah, muticulturalism.

Our next stop was MonkeyBiz(http://www.monkeybiz.co.za/), a social entrepreneurship designed to help those low income families in South Africa. Basically, women from these low-income households are given the opportunity to sell their bead artwork. The twist is that despite living in “safari-land”, many of these women have not seen a giraffe or a zebra or a rhino, so they use their imagination to craft these animals in their head. The result is Monkeybiz: 

You can find “animals” of all shapes and sizes here. The backstory is a little depressing but the beaded animals make for a cute companion! Super quirky!

Monkeybiz also assures you that the artists behind these animals are paid on the same day when they are sold.

Our next stop was streetwire, another beading(?) art collective dedicated to the preservation of African bead craft art. What I really liked from the visit was that these artists recognised that hunting was cruel and uneccessary and thought of a way to dissuade rch people from hanging animal heads in their living rooms as trophies. 

They could offer them something that is cruelty-free and more beuatiful, an animal head made of beads. 

If I had a fireplace I know what I’d hang up there.

We also visited the company gardens but as usual, I was more preoccupied taking photos of animals because I am a weirdo. 

Omg duck!

Omg squirrel!

Our last and most amazing stop was Kaapstad train station. No, not the trains itself but the street food located above the train station. These were like the hawker center equivalent of South Africa. Food stalls were set up in shipping containers and cheap meals were sold. Albeit cheap, the food served in these shipping containers were as good or even better than food served in restaurants.

Again, because I am a glutton, I did not take any photos of the food I had heartily consumed. We tried umngqusho (A maize dish and reportedly, Nelson Mandela’s favorite food) and this curry-like dish whose name I cannot pronounce nor remember. But for all the off-the-beaten-track enthusiasts, this is certainly an experience for you.

All smiles with David the chef who runs one of these shiping container eateries.

Certainly, a walking tour is a great way to see South Africa but you may also decide to wander off to these locations yourself. Bottom line, PLEASE go venture above the train station in South Africa. Not only can you #livelikealocal, you can also get some delicious food while at it!

V&A Waterfront

What to do in Cape Town?

The Victoria and Albert waterfront is the oldest working harbour in South Africa. It is also home to the gateway of Robben Island where Nelson Mandela was held captive. But because we are Singaporeans with no interests in historically significant events, we didn’t make the trip there (for those who don’t speak fluent sarcasm, we just didn’t have time to go).

V&A waterfront is also home to some of the freshest seafood, Pa says that the best mussels he has ever eaten would be here. Some of the restaurants have a pretty good sense of humour too.

The alledged best mussels in the world Pa has eaten can be found at Harbour House on the V&A Waterfront. We just stumbled in. Unfortunately I do not have any pictures because I was too hungry and ate everything before I realised what I had done. I would really recommend the seafood platter though, it was about 15SGD for a grotesque amount of food.

It’s a really nice place to chill and just walk around.

So yes, I would really recommend the V&A waterfront as a place to just realx and have a wander. The shops were a little bit pricey but we were more interested in the 15sgd seafood platters so it didn’t really bother us. Yumz.

Table Mountain

What to do in Cape Town?

Table Mountain, essentially a plateau (thus the name table mountain) overlooks much of Cape Town. Our guide once joked that she gets confused whenever she is overseas because she loses her bearings without the mountain in the backdrop. Certainly, it is one of the must-dos when one visits South Africa.

We began our journey by… Hailing a cab to the base of Table Mountain Cable Car station. Of course, there is an option to hike up the mammoth Table Mountain but alas I am not one for huffing and puffing my way up. 

The view en-route to the top is not one for the faint-hearted, don’t look down!

I have an unhealthy obsession with taking photos of animals. We were greeted by this little creature once we completed our arduous journey to the summit. Anyone wants to tell me what this is?

It was all worth it though, we were rewarded with this magnificent view! Wow, taking the cable car is really hard work. 

Panoramic views of Cape Town! 

Jumping for joy because the weather forecast was wrong! We were told that it would be a rainy day. GUESS WHAT MOFOS. IT WASN’T. 

Point proven, Table Mountain offers some really beautiful views of Cape Town. For the lazy bums like me, the cable car option would suffice, the plateau at the top is 3km wide, sufficient for a little mini-hike. For those who are more adventure seeking and do not have crippling asthma, there are hiking options available (http://hiketablemountain.co.za/). I have seem some people bringing their dogs up by climbing as well. I highly doubt my dogs would be able to do anything like that. 

Where to stay in Cape Town?

Where we stayed: an honest review of Sea Five Camps Bay

As usual, I had forgotten to take photos of our accommodation because I am careless and forgetful.

Sea Five sits at Camps Bay where all the rich white people live. At its rear is Table Mountain and its front, Camps Bay Beach. From our Penthouse Suite we could often hear the roaring of the sea breeze and the crashing of the waves. No kidding though, when we first arrived in Sea Five quite late in the evening, we thought there was a typhoon going on in Cape Town and that the roof was going to fly off along with us. (Ding Dong! The wicked witch of the east is dead!)

The pool was a nice addition to have but unfortunately it was too cold to swim in May. Trust me, I went down in a bikini, dipped my toes in, decided that getting frostbite was not worth the insta photos and took the walk of shame back up to change into normal clothes.

My parents had the master bedroom and naturally…

I was granted the magnificent kids room.

The best yet most awkward part was the toilets though, they were clear, see through glass. The toilet was just behind a slab of concrete. I could continue conversations with my parents whilst peeing, greatly convenient. However, when one needs to go number two, an evacuation was necessary.

Ok, maybe I stand corrected, the views were the best part! Accustomed to our safari schedules, we awoke at 6am to this: clouds rolling in from Table Mountain!

Here’s another one!

Camps Bay Beach which Sea Five overlooks is quite a sight as well. On most weekends you can see dogs and their owners frolicking about! 

The view from the main balcony.

Evening views are not to be missed out too!

Taken on our last night!

Unfortunately, though, about 600 USD was stolen from us from the safe. We are uncertain if it was truly someone from Sea Five who had stolen it from us but it is highly unlikely that we would have dropped 600USD on the way. (We keep our money in a money pouch and don’t open it until we are somewhere safe, like a hotel, which has proved to be not-so-safe after all.) We had only noticed the money missing on the way back home so we were unable to clarify this directly with the hotel. We did give our travel agent a call but heard nothing back.

On that note, I would like to say that as beautiful Sea Five may be, I felt that there were many other accommodation options that were more than half the price of Sea Five. With the ease of accessibility, an Airbnb could seem like a suitable alternative.

Tips: 1, I would certainly recommend Camps Bay as a neighbourhood to base yourself in. It is relatively safe (I felt safe walking outside at night), there are many restaurants nearby and it guarantees spectacular views.

2, Settle for an Airbnb, Camps Bay is full of summer houses. Do the rich white people a favour and rid themselves of their empty summer houses on Airbnb. It’s for your own good too. Here are some lovely picks that I was ogling at: a Spanish villa,  a 3-bedroom villa  and this amazing villa with sweeping views

To get $30 off your first stay, please click here!

Camps Bay is so ugly, yuck. 

What an atrocious sight. Imagine waking up to this.

Miscellaneous Woodland creatures and Scenic Views

Other than the wildlife, Phinda has some truly spectacular tumblr worthy scenery.

Hallelujah! I can imagine this being used for some #jesus quote. 

Not strictly scenery but monkey penis. He was hanging around the lodge premises and I wanted to approach him but then… no thanks. 

Warthogs live in burrows with their families. They have sensitive feelings and get sad when you call them ugly. 

Walk into the club and everyone staring at me.

#thosewhodonottravelreadonlyonepage

The first sunset we saw in Phinda, featuring the fever tree. The story of the fever tree is an interesting one. When the white explorers first came to Africa, malaria as a serious problem. Being the civilised and intellectual noblemen, they found a correlation between this tree and falling gravely, gravely ill with a fever (malaria). Why? Because fever trees tend to grow near bodies of water where mosquitoes breed. For the longest time, the early explorers thought that the fever tree was poisonous and was the cause of the illnesses. Malaria also halted deeper exploration of Africa until Tonic was invented. Fun fact, that’s why you have Gin and Tonic.

Niblets of knowledge aside, the silhouette of the fever tree has almost epitomised the landscape of the African savannah. All we’re missing in this photo is a nosy giraffe. 

Elephants Get Really Pissed when they’re Horny

Elephants are generally happy creatures. I mean, what worries would they have? They have no natural predators (except poachers, but alas this is a private game reserve), they can cause serious damage to lions and other predators, they live long and fulfilling lives. 

Sometimes they can even splash about in watering holes!

This elephant is doing a Lynn aka eating. Look at how happy it is.

Male elephants usually hang out by themselves, as I’ve mentioned earlier nothing actually eats them so there is no need for them to hang out in a group. Females, however, usually stay in groups with other females and their calves. Calves are still susceptible to predatory attacks due to their small size.

We were tracking a group of elephants because I wanted to see some babies. After about an hour of tracking, which involved our ranger putting his finger in a pile of elehant shit and my dad having to go pee again but being really afraid because of the lion incident.

When we finally found them…

They were hysterical! No, not because they were excited to see us. They were afraid of something, someone. So this was when our ranger told us that male elephants go absolutely HAM when they’re on heat. And because elephants have their own language and communicate through low frequencies, a really horny male elephant was terrorizing them. “I’m gonna kill your babies and rape your women!” When in heat, male elephants are extremely aggressive and would kill calves and even their mothers if met with resistance.

I have never seen such panic from elephants before. I mean, look at the previous photos, they were all happy and chilling and eating. But not here, they were running and panicking. Till the point that it wasn’t safe for us to follow them anymore. 

Amidst all this chaos guess who was being a nosy asshole.

Just our luck though, the next day we met another male elephant that was on heat.

He’s dousing himself with sand because he is really, really smelly. To mark their scent, male elephants on heat continuously pee on the foot. With every step that they take, they literally stamp their mark on their territory. Elephant pee is not pleasant. Gross.

We were observing him from a distance when he noticed our presence. 

He is extremely frustrated hormonally and just wanted to have copious amounts of sex. He charges towards our vehicle and now we are the ones panicking. He could easily flip our land rover over. (Now say that 5 times, fast!)

He is coming closer and closer! Luckily, he was no match for the amazing driving skills of our ranger who managed to speed away in reverse and hide in a forested corner before Mr Horny here decides to spread his rage somewhere else.

Next time you see an elephant in heat please run. 

Rhinos are Actually Myopic Triceratops(es?)

Rhinos have really, really small eyes.

Because of this, they’re infamous for having very bad eyesight. Now, please don’t ask your Asian friend if that is why he/she has very bad eyesight. It’s still racist and impolite.

Here’s a mama rhino with her baby. Rhinos rely more on smell than sight for navigation and avoiding danger, that’s why it is so easy for poachers to kill them for their horns. Poachers would hide downwind and the rhino would not even know what hit them.

Here we see one of the few surving black rhinos. Black rhinos are critically endangered, there are fewer than 2,500 of them left in the wild. Black rhinos are not actually black, they have narrower snouts than white rhinos. In Afrikaans, White rhinos were referred to as wide rhinos because their snouts were wider. But confused English people thought that they meant white rhino. Well, if that a white rhino than this would be a black rhino.

I think that rhinos actually look like tricerotops from the side. Don’t you think so too? 

The fun and games were over when he thought that we were threatening him and decided to charge at us. Luckily for us, he was pretty much blind and charged instead, at an unfortunate shrub.

Buffalos cannot Give Two Shits

Here is a buffalo lying in mud.

I’m not sure what you’re expecting. This is literally what buffalos do all day. Lie in mud.

Look at his face though, I want some of what he’s smoking. 

Fun fact, buffalos lie in mud so much that they actually wax themselves unknowingly. The mud basically dries and falls out but pulling their hair off as it happens. 

Really really chill life though. 

Moo.

Zebras like to show People Their Butts and Inconvenience Everyone

One conclusion I came to is that zebras really enjoy showing people their butts. And I don’t blame them! Look at their toned muscle, it really puts Kim Kardashian to shame. How many squats have you been doing, bro? 

They clearly start from a very young age as this one shows me his side ass while leaning towards his mom. 

They also like to inconvenience everyone by standing on important roads and airstrips. But with a butt like that, you could really get away with everything.

Bubble butt, bubble bubble bubble butt. Bubble butt, bubble bubble bubble butt. 

I’ve been staring at this picture for the longest time because I’m not sure if there was something wrong with my camera but there seems to be three zebra butts here but only three zebras. What do you guys think happened?

So there you go, zebras really like showing you their behinds. 

Giraffes are Nosy Assholes

Giraffes. You may know them as those things with long necks, kinda elegant but also kinda clumsy. This giraffe here seems to be at peace, serene, not bothering anyone. Lions know them, however, as nosy assholes.

Robin, our ranger/guide who you may recall from the previous story, was telling us that, apparently, giraffes follow lions around to notify surrounding prey of their presence. Can you imagine if you were a lion trying to catch some dinner and all of a sudden, this long necked yellow thing decides to put up and flashing neon signboard and follows you with gusto. “Why are you doing this?!?”

We soon figured out that giraffes not only stop and stare/follow lions around but they also do this to whatever they found would be potentially dangerous, i.e., us. 

Here are three giraffes looking slightly confused but bemused at our presence.

“Hey Fred, it’s them again”

This one was following us around for a while before he decided that he had more important things to do with his life, giraffe things.

Even baby giraffes like to spy on people behind bushes. Tsk, didn’t your mom tell you that staring is rude?!?

Here’s another one in mid step as it continues to observe us from a safe distance and at the same time, let everyone know that we’re here. Thanks, man.

Whatever you do in life, please don’t be a giraffe.